In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
