I want to have your abortion
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
