Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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