Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He shit in the fireplace
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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