btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
