guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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