Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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