I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
