dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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