she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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