Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
