I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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