He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
