I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
In America we eat man semen.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
