I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
