u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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