guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
