it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
