the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
