Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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