I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I just sharted jello shots
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
