you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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