I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
