it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
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I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
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You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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