I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
