There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
