I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
