She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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