You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
