There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
