I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
