Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
