the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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