Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
