can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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