dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
