You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
