I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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