there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
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It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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