I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We need a shit load of segways right now
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
