I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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