am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We don't watch enough power rangers
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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