Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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