I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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