Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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