"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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