The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
