Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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