i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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