You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
