He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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