Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
