It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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