You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
