you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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