Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
