New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
