my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
