i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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