I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize