It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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