Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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