i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
