Whod you bang
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
