I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
