my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So many bounce houses so little time
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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