Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
