it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
