college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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