you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
