The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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