I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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