my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
