Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
