Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't deserve a penis
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
