I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
