OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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