Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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