i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
