remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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