my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
