Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
