New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
