your parents love me but you hate me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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