very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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