i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
