I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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